Great post, Patrick. A couple things really resonated– one must take care of oneself first to help others. That's why when oxygen masks drop in flight, airlines tell adults to put theirs on first. The other reminds me of an old Beatles' line: "No one you can save who can't be saved." Thanks for food for thought in my day, once again.
Welcome, Jeanine, and thank you. To be there for someone, we must first be there for ourselves. Selfishness needs not be a "bad" word. Actually, it's at the very core of why we ever do anything, producing gains for ourselves and others. I appreciate your feedback, as always.
This reminds me of a colleague that I worked with many years.
Their approach was to keep the knowledge for themselves so that they are "irreplaceable", but over time this also became a burden and eventually they were replaced.
Collective progress prevents problems from festering and eventually becoming your burdens to bear as well. Investing in others is an investment in your own peace and prosperity. Thanks for sharing brother.
I am half on reading your book - I am enjoying it.
They wanted to be irreplaceable, but that also means doing what they won't let another person do. Besides, what organization wants to be so reliant on a single employee? This approach was their undoing, and they rightly paid for it.
We are well when all of us do well. If we won't learn it on our own, we'll be forced to (the hard way). That is why your idea of collective progress is so important.
Thanks brother, and very glad you're enjoying my book.
I support this coworker, efficiency needs to be rewarded and incentivized. Caroline, I think you should share more photos of yourself at work. I still remember that one of you being interviewed by local TV. You can across as very effective, in-charge, reliable - and harmless.
“Don’t let others’ problems end up becoming your issues if there is something you can do to prevent that eventuality.”
This is the practical way of looking at it. If only governments would take the approach of preventing problems before they happen, we would be the better for it.
And you’re right, you could write a whole book just on the subject of migration. I think a century from now, they will call the next two decades something like “the great migrations“ With the fluctuating temperatures, coastal erosions, and with democracies failing seemingly everywhere, we, as a people, need to have a solid basis of self-love.
Just as we help anyone after a natural disaster, it is the ones who are prepared for, and open to, people who are either fleeing, or trying to shelter to keep their homes, who need it.
I hope we will realize this natural inclination to “come to the aid of” others is about (has already started) to be needed at a global level. It is my sincere hope that in the next few decades to come, we finally “get it.” Our world is only populated with ONE people; sometimes it takes the darkest times to find the truth.
This is excellent, Patrick. So much to consider.
I’ve yet to get back to you on your last post, but “praise” is something I consider often, and so I’m still considering, but now, in much more detail.
Thank you, Sea. Migration is as old as time; people have always moved from one place to another, mostly in search of something. As you point out, the reasons for this will only continue to pile up with time. We need to get better at defining ways of handling migration without resulting into the polarization that is the norm today.
Take your time with that praise post. We'll discuss it when you're ready. Thanks for your views, always grateful for them.
“There is a limit to how much you can insulate yourself from other people’s problems. Even when you can, it could mean the isolation you don’t want. Take a chance on others while also nurturing the more generous and caring side of you. Do it for yourself.”
Mothers, while only loving their children, make this mistake at times. Also happens at times when helping one overcome addiction. You can only help, but others must want to get better. If they don't or won't do the work, there's nothing you can do. You don't have an infinite bandwith or resources, and even if you did, going too far is enabling and obstructing.
What a daring but honest piece. Many might feel uncomfortable at the thought of being altruistic for selfish reasons but when it is presented like this, with the most selfish form of altruism being far more beneficial than no altruism, any open mind will heed to this advice.
Thank you, Harun. I think we should be honest enough to discuss such matters openly. We mostly do things for ourselves, but this is not a bad thing at all. In doing so, there can be a lot of benefits for others. Lets want the best for others, even if only because this is good for us.
Hey Patrick, thanks for this beautiful reminder. In my journey, I realized I can't help everyone or can't solve everyone's problems as I am healing from my habit of taking too much on my shoulders. But soon after that, I realized feeling good and filled with energy when I help people when my cup is full. So actually I can solve some problems and I should do that as we all are in this together!!
Surprising how in taking care of yourself first, you ended up being in a position to take care of others more and better. We should do only what we can, and we should understand that about others as well. These limits actually help us be there for each other a lot more. Thank you Harneek, as always.
All right action and right thought stems from selfishness. All right thought arises out of the recognition of unity. Since all are one, our help for another is but help for ourselves.
You put it so well, Aaron. In being selfish, we do right by ourselves and others as well. I particularly like this idea of unity and all being one. With our fate inseparable, to do right by another is to further my own interests as well.
I think this is a clever analysis Patrick, and bringing in the timely topic of migration illustrates your point very well. I’ve always thought about the topic of “selfishness” in this way. Imagine you are on a plane and are informed that there will be an emergency. We are literally told to put on our own face masks before helping others. Why? Because how can we properly and helpfully help others if we are struggling? You’re right about wanting the best for others - it means that there is more time for living as opposed to simply helping.
I agree, Joanna. "Selfishness", in this way, is not a bad thing. You have to be alive to help another; you have to be doing well to have something to give. You are right to zero in on the issue of migration. I think we should debate it a lot more, and soberly. It's not an impossible one, but I don't think the current approaches (in both developed and developing nations) are of much use.
“Be generous with what you have; be the one who leads in cheering on for others. They could be family, friends, or just fellow countrymen and women. Be even ready to invest in improving others’ well-being and prospects, surprise them by telling them about opportunities they had no idea about.”
You’re always on point with everything you write. I share the same sentiment as you pato.
I have highlighted that particular paragraph for a different reason.
While reading i remember how you encouraged me to write, you believed that I was capable of writing something meaningful even when I doubted myself. I have been writing for almost five weeks now. I’m doing it just for fun, but it’s has been very freeing and healing for me in ways I can’t even describe.
Thank you for believing in me and for inspiring me also. I appreciate you bro.
Welcome, sis, and I appreciate you too. Your support on here has made a huge difference. We need to normalize this habit of encouraging one another, for we do better when all of us do better. Happy to know that writing is proving to be a source of both freedom and healing. Keep it up! Thanks, as always.
Reading this really opened my eyes. So true and powerful. I think if more of our world's leaders thought this way, we'd see more countries thrive. Thanks for the thoughtful post, Patrick.
An interesting perspective on altruism, Patrick. I do share your sentiments on this when it comes to certain aspects/things in life.
On the problem of migration, I think the governments of the developed, 1st world nations should actively help restore those other nations that are dysfunctional and unstable.
This is given the fact that it's those 1st world regimes that are primarily responsible for the predicament and crises that those dysfunctional countries are struggling with.
1st world nations can certainly do more; they have the means to, and, as you remind, they are to some degree responsible for the problems bedeviling poorer nations. They won't, however, as we can see from UK's 'deport to Rwanda' policy.
Solving these problems will need a lot more than these knee-jerk policies, it'll need a restructuring of the international order - politically, economically, and financially. Let's see if we'll get there at some point.
Very interesting perspective. Oddly enough many people don't see it this way. They like being the "Big Fish." they like lording over those in need while having disdain for them at the same time because they are so needy. These same big fish don't believe certain people should be on equal footing with them. To me that's the core of the problem.
This is certainly a problem, Johanna. This disdain reveals a crucial misperception. First, it ignores the structural and systemic issues that create the needy people in the first place. Second, it leads to approaches and policies where the "Big Fish" seek to insulate themselves. Social problems don't get solved; people just strive to ensure they don't apply to them anymore, and the cycle of "Big" and "Little" people is repeated endlessly.
I'm not so sure that it is ignorance of systemic issues as much as it is the system working as designed and intended. Those that manage to beat the system are the exception. "Big" and "Little" are the desired results.
Thank you for sharing this wonderful post Patrick. I have learned to take care of myself first before I show up for anyone else the hard way. Interestingly, it wasn't something that happened with me, but the way my parents have chosen to live their life. They always put the needs of others above their own, only to be told that they didn't do enough. It's hard to watch. You can learn so much of who you should be from people you look up to, but you can also learn who should not be if you closely observe.
PS: I searched for your book on Amazon last weekend to see if it's available in India and it is! I wishlisted it. Will buy it for sure the next time I order new books. ⭐️
Welcome, Mansi, and thank you. This is a very good example ... it is never enough, and one will always be told they could have done more. Nobody can look out for you the way you can; that's why you should come first.
Thanks too, about the book. You'll tell me how you find it once you start reading.
Much wisdom here my friend. Leadership with others creates freedom. You are so very right in reminding others that we do not want to create dependency.
My Dad (who was a doctor Board Certified in two fields) often said to me (as a private practice psychotherapist) that we were some of the only people on the planet who continued to try and work themselves out of a job. Truth. I would be fulfilled if all were living abundant lives.
Thank you my friend. You remind me of conversations that I've been seeings lately, mostly about therapy, with some feeling that it's becoming the solution that must create a problem, a case where supply induces demand.
I would imagine that these aren't pure exaggerations; I know not everyone is like you and your dad to be happy with working themselves out of their jobs.
Great post, Patrick. A couple things really resonated– one must take care of oneself first to help others. That's why when oxygen masks drop in flight, airlines tell adults to put theirs on first. The other reminds me of an old Beatles' line: "No one you can save who can't be saved." Thanks for food for thought in my day, once again.
Welcome, Jeanine, and thank you. To be there for someone, we must first be there for ourselves. Selfishness needs not be a "bad" word. Actually, it's at the very core of why we ever do anything, producing gains for ourselves and others. I appreciate your feedback, as always.
This reminds me of a colleague that I worked with many years.
Their approach was to keep the knowledge for themselves so that they are "irreplaceable", but over time this also became a burden and eventually they were replaced.
Collective progress prevents problems from festering and eventually becoming your burdens to bear as well. Investing in others is an investment in your own peace and prosperity. Thanks for sharing brother.
I am half on reading your book - I am enjoying it.
They wanted to be irreplaceable, but that also means doing what they won't let another person do. Besides, what organization wants to be so reliant on a single employee? This approach was their undoing, and they rightly paid for it.
We are well when all of us do well. If we won't learn it on our own, we'll be forced to (the hard way). That is why your idea of collective progress is so important.
Thanks brother, and very glad you're enjoying my book.
Yep! I need my coworkers to be skilled in areas similar to me, or I’m getting stuck with all the work.
I, like you, Caroline, don't enjoy work this much to want to be stuck with all the tasks. I want others to be skilled too.
My coworker suggested to our boss the other day — if we do something really well, we deserve to have a task taken away. 🤣
I support this coworker, efficiency needs to be rewarded and incentivized. Caroline, I think you should share more photos of yourself at work. I still remember that one of you being interviewed by local TV. You can across as very effective, in-charge, reliable - and harmless.
I support this perspective as well :-). I will make a similar recommendation.
“Don’t let others’ problems end up becoming your issues if there is something you can do to prevent that eventuality.”
This is the practical way of looking at it. If only governments would take the approach of preventing problems before they happen, we would be the better for it.
And you’re right, you could write a whole book just on the subject of migration. I think a century from now, they will call the next two decades something like “the great migrations“ With the fluctuating temperatures, coastal erosions, and with democracies failing seemingly everywhere, we, as a people, need to have a solid basis of self-love.
Just as we help anyone after a natural disaster, it is the ones who are prepared for, and open to, people who are either fleeing, or trying to shelter to keep their homes, who need it.
I hope we will realize this natural inclination to “come to the aid of” others is about (has already started) to be needed at a global level. It is my sincere hope that in the next few decades to come, we finally “get it.” Our world is only populated with ONE people; sometimes it takes the darkest times to find the truth.
This is excellent, Patrick. So much to consider.
I’ve yet to get back to you on your last post, but “praise” is something I consider often, and so I’m still considering, but now, in much more detail.
Thank you, Sea. Migration is as old as time; people have always moved from one place to another, mostly in search of something. As you point out, the reasons for this will only continue to pile up with time. We need to get better at defining ways of handling migration without resulting into the polarization that is the norm today.
Take your time with that praise post. We'll discuss it when you're ready. Thanks for your views, always grateful for them.
“There is a limit to how much you can insulate yourself from other people’s problems. Even when you can, it could mean the isolation you don’t want. Take a chance on others while also nurturing the more generous and caring side of you. Do it for yourself.”
This one stood out for me.
I'm glad this one resonated, Lynelle. Even when doing things for others, we're mostly doing them for ourselves.
Always grateful for your thoughts.
There also has to be a balance. Or one can lost themselves.
Of course ... everything in moderation; nothing good comes out of extremes or overdoing something.
Indeed, when it comes to helping someone, you then become the enabler.
Mothers, while only loving their children, make this mistake at times. Also happens at times when helping one overcome addiction. You can only help, but others must want to get better. If they don't or won't do the work, there's nothing you can do. You don't have an infinite bandwith or resources, and even if you did, going too far is enabling and obstructing.
What a daring but honest piece. Many might feel uncomfortable at the thought of being altruistic for selfish reasons but when it is presented like this, with the most selfish form of altruism being far more beneficial than no altruism, any open mind will heed to this advice.
Thank you, Harun. I think we should be honest enough to discuss such matters openly. We mostly do things for ourselves, but this is not a bad thing at all. In doing so, there can be a lot of benefits for others. Lets want the best for others, even if only because this is good for us.
Hey Patrick, thanks for this beautiful reminder. In my journey, I realized I can't help everyone or can't solve everyone's problems as I am healing from my habit of taking too much on my shoulders. But soon after that, I realized feeling good and filled with energy when I help people when my cup is full. So actually I can solve some problems and I should do that as we all are in this together!!
Surprising how in taking care of yourself first, you ended up being in a position to take care of others more and better. We should do only what we can, and we should understand that about others as well. These limits actually help us be there for each other a lot more. Thank you Harneek, as always.
All right action and right thought stems from selfishness. All right thought arises out of the recognition of unity. Since all are one, our help for another is but help for ourselves.
You put it so well, Aaron. In being selfish, we do right by ourselves and others as well. I particularly like this idea of unity and all being one. With our fate inseparable, to do right by another is to further my own interests as well.
Never thought about things this way much before, very interesting but so true!
Thank you, Hayley, so glad that it's given you something to think about.
I think this is a clever analysis Patrick, and bringing in the timely topic of migration illustrates your point very well. I’ve always thought about the topic of “selfishness” in this way. Imagine you are on a plane and are informed that there will be an emergency. We are literally told to put on our own face masks before helping others. Why? Because how can we properly and helpfully help others if we are struggling? You’re right about wanting the best for others - it means that there is more time for living as opposed to simply helping.
I agree, Joanna. "Selfishness", in this way, is not a bad thing. You have to be alive to help another; you have to be doing well to have something to give. You are right to zero in on the issue of migration. I think we should debate it a lot more, and soberly. It's not an impossible one, but I don't think the current approaches (in both developed and developing nations) are of much use.
“Be generous with what you have; be the one who leads in cheering on for others. They could be family, friends, or just fellow countrymen and women. Be even ready to invest in improving others’ well-being and prospects, surprise them by telling them about opportunities they had no idea about.”
You’re always on point with everything you write. I share the same sentiment as you pato.
I have highlighted that particular paragraph for a different reason.
While reading i remember how you encouraged me to write, you believed that I was capable of writing something meaningful even when I doubted myself. I have been writing for almost five weeks now. I’m doing it just for fun, but it’s has been very freeing and healing for me in ways I can’t even describe.
Thank you for believing in me and for inspiring me also. I appreciate you bro.
Welcome, sis, and I appreciate you too. Your support on here has made a huge difference. We need to normalize this habit of encouraging one another, for we do better when all of us do better. Happy to know that writing is proving to be a source of both freedom and healing. Keep it up! Thanks, as always.
You owe me a call back.
We will talk more then.
And you’re much welcome
Reading this really opened my eyes. So true and powerful. I think if more of our world's leaders thought this way, we'd see more countries thrive. Thanks for the thoughtful post, Patrick.
Welcome, Daniel, and grateful for your feedback as always.
An interesting perspective on altruism, Patrick. I do share your sentiments on this when it comes to certain aspects/things in life.
On the problem of migration, I think the governments of the developed, 1st world nations should actively help restore those other nations that are dysfunctional and unstable.
This is given the fact that it's those 1st world regimes that are primarily responsible for the predicament and crises that those dysfunctional countries are struggling with.
1st world nations can certainly do more; they have the means to, and, as you remind, they are to some degree responsible for the problems bedeviling poorer nations. They won't, however, as we can see from UK's 'deport to Rwanda' policy.
Solving these problems will need a lot more than these knee-jerk policies, it'll need a restructuring of the international order - politically, economically, and financially. Let's see if we'll get there at some point.
Yeah, definitely. A lot of crucial systemic reforms need to be implemented.
Interesting perspective! It's true that a rising tide lifts all boats. Helping others can create a more positive and stable environment for everyone.
I agree, Ayesha. Thank you for this observation.
Very interesting perspective. Oddly enough many people don't see it this way. They like being the "Big Fish." they like lording over those in need while having disdain for them at the same time because they are so needy. These same big fish don't believe certain people should be on equal footing with them. To me that's the core of the problem.
This is certainly a problem, Johanna. This disdain reveals a crucial misperception. First, it ignores the structural and systemic issues that create the needy people in the first place. Second, it leads to approaches and policies where the "Big Fish" seek to insulate themselves. Social problems don't get solved; people just strive to ensure they don't apply to them anymore, and the cycle of "Big" and "Little" people is repeated endlessly.
I'm not so sure that it is ignorance of systemic issues as much as it is the system working as designed and intended. Those that manage to beat the system are the exception. "Big" and "Little" are the desired results.
Thank you for sharing this wonderful post Patrick. I have learned to take care of myself first before I show up for anyone else the hard way. Interestingly, it wasn't something that happened with me, but the way my parents have chosen to live their life. They always put the needs of others above their own, only to be told that they didn't do enough. It's hard to watch. You can learn so much of who you should be from people you look up to, but you can also learn who should not be if you closely observe.
PS: I searched for your book on Amazon last weekend to see if it's available in India and it is! I wishlisted it. Will buy it for sure the next time I order new books. ⭐️
Welcome, Mansi, and thank you. This is a very good example ... it is never enough, and one will always be told they could have done more. Nobody can look out for you the way you can; that's why you should come first.
Thanks too, about the book. You'll tell me how you find it once you start reading.
Much wisdom here my friend. Leadership with others creates freedom. You are so very right in reminding others that we do not want to create dependency.
My Dad (who was a doctor Board Certified in two fields) often said to me (as a private practice psychotherapist) that we were some of the only people on the planet who continued to try and work themselves out of a job. Truth. I would be fulfilled if all were living abundant lives.
Thank you my friend. You remind me of conversations that I've been seeings lately, mostly about therapy, with some feeling that it's becoming the solution that must create a problem, a case where supply induces demand.
I would imagine that these aren't pure exaggerations; I know not everyone is like you and your dad to be happy with working themselves out of their jobs.
It’s true. Many charlatans out there, as in all professions. I caution people to select someone who empowers them, not make them dependent.
You illustrate this point well in your "Therapists have difficult days" post. Part of looking for help is knowing where one cannot possibly find it.