Life as Rejection
We reject more than we accept, and we will be rejected more than we’ll be accepted
Some people have completely refused to outgrow childhood. They yearn for those days when everyone dropped what they were doing to attend to them. They are actually not drowning in rejection, they just are misguided about how much acceptance and celebration they were ever going to get.
Life is mostly rejection. Nearly 90% of what you’ll ever want will reject you, and you will reject an equal number as well. The key lies in finding a home in the 10% that will say yes to you.
If you open up about your problems today, many people won’t care, and some of those who will won’t help you in any meaningful way anyway. But there is one person in every ten who will care in a way that matters. In her caring, you’ll find the answers you seek, and it will not matter that nine other people didn’t show any meaningful interest.
Eager and ready to enter the workforce, you’ll start with energy, doing many jobs along the way. However, at some point, you will want more than any job can give you; you will want work that can give you meaning, not just money. It is at this point that you’ll realize that work is rejecting you, and you, too, are rejecting it.
Some of the friends that you used to know, those that appeared to have all the time to hang out with you, will become busier or just come to value their time more as the years pass. More interested in life and living it truly, they’ll become quieter, less argumentative, and generally appreciative of peace above all else.
If you won’t have progressed in this direction, they will reject you. If you will become these things while they remain the same, it’s you who will reject them.
I will not even talk about the many relationships you may reject, because growth may inevitably mean divergence, and you and your sweetheart of many years may grow not to want the same things anymore.
And, in the biggest surprise of all, you will reject earlier versions of yourself. You will become a new man or woman, and while you will see the old in you, you will generally come to embrace new perspectives that make you not want to identify with the old self.
You will read writings you wrote ten years before and see how you’ve changed; you will leave social media platforms that you were once glued to, because you are just not the person who used to find things on there meaningful.
You will not be embraced by everybody. Actually, there was never a time when you were embraced by many people. You will face rejection at work, in relationships, and friendships, and you will hurt others by rejecting them, too.
But then you will learn. With time, you’ll refine your definitions and sharpen your selection criteria. You will not want ten jobs: you will want that one that really aligns with your objectives in life. You will not court ten people for a relationship. You will have grown to know what you want; you’ll be selective, discriminating, and discerning. You will be so in friendship as well, befriending those who see value in associating with you, just as you see in being with them.
And then the rejection will stop, because you’ve now known to want what wants you, and because you’ve already found it in the 10% who’ve said yes to you. You are no longer the baby that wants to be held by everyone. Rather, you are that one that knows how to play by itself.
Not everyone will get here, at least not in time. Some will have been crushed by the rejection of earlier years when trial and error was inevitable. Others, having tasted the adulation of the masses, will have become addicted to fame and the clapping of others. These, now creatures of excess, will have unquenchable thirst, and no crowd will be large enough for their needs.
No one is ever wanted by many. However, the few that will ever want you are not only enough but many.
The point is not to stop or fear trying—if you do, you won’t gain the experience necessary to refine approaches to stop being a blunt instrument. Rather, it is to know why rejection is inevitable, and how there is no way around it. It is also to progress towards your 10%—in love, friendships, and work—where you are in the company of your tasks and people.
Here, there is less of guesswork, things and people speak your language, and there can only be the deepening of alchemy.
Rejection is normal and even necessary for personal growth.
The key is to focus on the 10% of people and things that truly accept and value you, rather than chasing universal approval.
Instead of being defeated by setbacks, we can use them to refine our goals and find the people and opportunities that are truly the right fit for us. We should view rejection as a sharpening process that leads to a stronger, more intentional sense of self. Thanks for sharing this timely reminder with us bro.
I read a thing many years ago which said something along the lines of "A third of people you meet will like you, a third will dislike you and a third will be indifferent to you."
That was a wonderful realisation that helped me make sense of rejection.