Rejection is normal and even necessary for personal growth.
The key is to focus on the 10% of people and things that truly accept and value you, rather than chasing universal approval.
Instead of being defeated by setbacks, we can use them to refine our goals and find the people and opportunities that are truly the right fit for us. We should view rejection as a sharpening process that leads to a stronger, more intentional sense of self. Thanks for sharing this timely reminder with us bro.
I read a thing many years ago which said something along the lines of "A third of people you meet will like you, a third will dislike you and a third will be indifferent to you."
That was a wonderful realisation that helped me make sense of rejection.
This rule of a third is certainly a wise way to live; you concentrate on building relationships with those who actually like you, knowing they cannot be many. Thank you, Tremayne.
I recently got fired from a job, and I've been struggling with that feeling of rejection, wondering why I wasn't enough and why I refused to see the signs that I wasn't wanted. I'm beginning to make peace with this loss, understanding that a lot more was at play than I realized, and I'm looking forward to using my free time to pursue other things that will hopefully pour back into me.
Sorry to hear this, Bih; it never feels good to be fired. However, like in many other things, it's this absolute rejection that frees one to reorient energy elsewhere.
There are always many factors at play, especially in the workplace, so I'm sure it probably has little to do with performance.
Wishing you well; I'm sure you'll find something truer, something where your efforts and contribution are appreciated much more.
Looking back I realized that the workplace I was in wasn’t the most hospitable to me. Particularly in my last month there. With this in mind, I’m allowing relief and not regret to permeate.
I deeply resonate with the reflections on rejection, particularly the idea that life is largely about finding peace within the 10% that embraces us. Yet, in my experience, the way I've responded to rejection has fundamentally shifted only after addressing the deep-seated issues of rejection rooted in childhood. It wasn’t until I validated my inner child's experiences, gave it the nurturing it needed, and re-parented myself that I could truly move on to a more mature and adjusted response. For me, this inner work was crucial in transforming rejection from a source of pain into an opportunity for growth and self-understanding.
Thank you for these reflections, Jay. You make a good observation: many of the issues we'll ever face go all the way to childhood, and rejection's interaction with these only serve to compound matters.
However, addressing these does simply issues, helping navigate matters of rejection, which are inevitable as life unfolds. In this way, rejection ends up being not as bad.
Thank you for illustrating a possible way of dealing with these matters.
Thank you for engaging with my reflections! I agree—understanding the roots of our challenges can help transform rejection into an opportunity for growth. I endorse this perspective fully.
It’s a truth of life. But why do we seek or look for acceptance in the first place. This constant seeking of approvals from others is a single chief source for our pains. Self-inflicted !! After umpteen rejections and buffetings of body and soul one realises the truth that true peace and serenity lies within. The realisation comes later in life. Sadly, we lose many years chasing and seeking mirages. That’s a common human story…but yes some realise and others continue to wallow in the endless cycle of acceptance
"...true peace and serenity lies within." A very important observation, Arun. Yes, rejection hurts because we expected acceptance, and hurts even more when we want more acceptance than we can possibly get. In expecting little, we are pleasantly surprised when people embrace us, which makes their acceptance even more meaningful.
Sure, like many things in life, meaning is determined by interpretation, and even things that hurt can end up being the best thing that ever happen to someone.
This is something I think we all need to hear, Patrick. I used to want to resist the idea that I, and others around me, were becoming hardened by life and less receptive to things that don't exactly align with us. I suppose it is natural, though. We realise how little time we have and want to make sure that we're spending it in the way we actually want, rather than trying to please everybody. I've found rejection hard, particularly in a friendship setting, but I'm learning to be at peace with the idea that I won't be for everybody. Thank you so much for writing this, it's given me a lot to think about!
Rejection is hard. It's hard to do it, especially when rejecting a good person. It's hard to accept it when others reject us. But life isn't easy, and sometimes people are just not the right ones for us, and we may not be the right fit for them, too.
We should talk about rejection more, because the truth is that it remains central in life. Thank you, Leah, as always.
As someone who has done a lot of rejection both personally and professionally, it's usually not personal to the person being rejected. most times it's just not the right fit for many reasons.
True, Elizabeth, and this is an important point. It's usually not personal; something or someone just aren't the right fit. We must always understand this, especially when the recipient of rejection.
I do believe that I’m blessed to have found a circle of people whom I connect with. And since I do not pay attention to numbers, I’m unable to say if it’s 10% or 80% or somewhere in the middle.🥰
What I do know is that I love the people I’m connecting with who are also the same ones who inspire me with new ideas. Thank you for another thoughtful post
Welcome, Teyani, and thank you for this encouragement. It shows that it's possible to find your people, remain connected, and enjoy the beauty of friendships.
Always grateful for your thoughts on these things!
"And, in the biggest surprise of all, you will reject earlier versions of yourself. You will become a new man or woman, and while you will see the old in you, you will generally come to embrace new perspectives that make you not want to identify with the old self." That aptly captures the essence of growth. Great stuff!
This article couldn't have come at the right time. I am working hard on myself to not be defeated by job rejections. All I can do is trust that the universe is leading me in the right direction.❤️
“No one is ever wanted by many. However, the few that will ever want you are not only enough but many.”
I understand this through the “Hell Yes” or “Hell No” school of thought. Imagine if we were always accepted and never rejected. The level of acceptance would always vary, it would never be 💯 hell yes acceptance. So we would never feel full and total acceptance by anybody. Better to have a richer 10% experience than a weaker 💯 experience of total acceptance.
Thank you, Joanna, and insightful, as always. All people cannot grant us this "Hell Yes" acceptance, and if they accidentally did, the value of acceptance would fall to near worthless. Rejection, thus, has it's purpose, as you so rightly explain here: sweetening acceptance even further.
Rejection is normal and even necessary for personal growth.
The key is to focus on the 10% of people and things that truly accept and value you, rather than chasing universal approval.
Instead of being defeated by setbacks, we can use them to refine our goals and find the people and opportunities that are truly the right fit for us. We should view rejection as a sharpening process that leads to a stronger, more intentional sense of self. Thanks for sharing this timely reminder with us bro.
You discuss it excellently bro, there's nothing to add here.
Since rejection is inevitable, we can as well make the best out of it, becoming accomplished because of it.
Thank you for these reflections!
I read a thing many years ago which said something along the lines of "A third of people you meet will like you, a third will dislike you and a third will be indifferent to you."
That was a wonderful realisation that helped me make sense of rejection.
This rule of a third is certainly a wise way to live; you concentrate on building relationships with those who actually like you, knowing they cannot be many. Thank you, Tremayne.
I recently got fired from a job, and I've been struggling with that feeling of rejection, wondering why I wasn't enough and why I refused to see the signs that I wasn't wanted. I'm beginning to make peace with this loss, understanding that a lot more was at play than I realized, and I'm looking forward to using my free time to pursue other things that will hopefully pour back into me.
Sorry to hear this, Bih; it never feels good to be fired. However, like in many other things, it's this absolute rejection that frees one to reorient energy elsewhere.
There are always many factors at play, especially in the workplace, so I'm sure it probably has little to do with performance.
Wishing you well; I'm sure you'll find something truer, something where your efforts and contribution are appreciated much more.
Sometimes such rejection is also protection. Toxic workplaces just suck life and soul out of us.
Looking back I realized that the workplace I was in wasn’t the most hospitable to me. Particularly in my last month there. With this in mind, I’m allowing relief and not regret to permeate.
Dear Patrick
I deeply resonate with the reflections on rejection, particularly the idea that life is largely about finding peace within the 10% that embraces us. Yet, in my experience, the way I've responded to rejection has fundamentally shifted only after addressing the deep-seated issues of rejection rooted in childhood. It wasn’t until I validated my inner child's experiences, gave it the nurturing it needed, and re-parented myself that I could truly move on to a more mature and adjusted response. For me, this inner work was crucial in transforming rejection from a source of pain into an opportunity for growth and self-understanding.
Thank you for these reflections, Jay. You make a good observation: many of the issues we'll ever face go all the way to childhood, and rejection's interaction with these only serve to compound matters.
However, addressing these does simply issues, helping navigate matters of rejection, which are inevitable as life unfolds. In this way, rejection ends up being not as bad.
Thank you for illustrating a possible way of dealing with these matters.
Thank you for engaging with my reflections! I agree—understanding the roots of our challenges can help transform rejection into an opportunity for growth. I endorse this perspective fully.
The goal is being satisfied with the rejection and the acceptances. Loved reading this Patrick!
Indeed, acceptance in everything...
Acceptances will remain few, but the intensity of the experiences they provide tend to make the frequency of rejections irrelevant.
Glad you enjoyed the article, Meklit, and thanks for taking the time to respond.
Beautiful piece Patrick. I felt a lot of this deeply
Welcome, Jem, and thank you for reading and leaving this comment.
It’s a truth of life. But why do we seek or look for acceptance in the first place. This constant seeking of approvals from others is a single chief source for our pains. Self-inflicted !! After umpteen rejections and buffetings of body and soul one realises the truth that true peace and serenity lies within. The realisation comes later in life. Sadly, we lose many years chasing and seeking mirages. That’s a common human story…but yes some realise and others continue to wallow in the endless cycle of acceptance
"...true peace and serenity lies within." A very important observation, Arun. Yes, rejection hurts because we expected acceptance, and hurts even more when we want more acceptance than we can possibly get. In expecting little, we are pleasantly surprised when people embrace us, which makes their acceptance even more meaningful.
Rejection is good, only if you learn something from it.
Sure, like many things in life, meaning is determined by interpretation, and even things that hurt can end up being the best thing that ever happen to someone.
Fear will run our lives if we let it-especially fear of rejection.
True. All fear is bad, but fear of something that happens as frequently as rejection is especially disastrous.
This is something I think we all need to hear, Patrick. I used to want to resist the idea that I, and others around me, were becoming hardened by life and less receptive to things that don't exactly align with us. I suppose it is natural, though. We realise how little time we have and want to make sure that we're spending it in the way we actually want, rather than trying to please everybody. I've found rejection hard, particularly in a friendship setting, but I'm learning to be at peace with the idea that I won't be for everybody. Thank you so much for writing this, it's given me a lot to think about!
Rejection is hard. It's hard to do it, especially when rejecting a good person. It's hard to accept it when others reject us. But life isn't easy, and sometimes people are just not the right ones for us, and we may not be the right fit for them, too.
We should talk about rejection more, because the truth is that it remains central in life. Thank you, Leah, as always.
As someone who has done a lot of rejection both personally and professionally, it's usually not personal to the person being rejected. most times it's just not the right fit for many reasons.
True, Elizabeth, and this is an important point. It's usually not personal; something or someone just aren't the right fit. We must always understand this, especially when the recipient of rejection.
Indeed, “life is mostly rejection”. Wow!
Thanks for sharing as always.
Welcome, and thanks for being here!
I do believe that I’m blessed to have found a circle of people whom I connect with. And since I do not pay attention to numbers, I’m unable to say if it’s 10% or 80% or somewhere in the middle.🥰
What I do know is that I love the people I’m connecting with who are also the same ones who inspire me with new ideas. Thank you for another thoughtful post
Welcome, Teyani, and thank you for this encouragement. It shows that it's possible to find your people, remain connected, and enjoy the beauty of friendships.
Always grateful for your thoughts on these things!
"And, in the biggest surprise of all, you will reject earlier versions of yourself. You will become a new man or woman, and while you will see the old in you, you will generally come to embrace new perspectives that make you not want to identify with the old self." That aptly captures the essence of growth. Great stuff!
I agree, it's really what growth is. Thanks for being here my friend!
This article couldn't have come at the right time. I am working hard on myself to not be defeated by job rejections. All I can do is trust that the universe is leading me in the right direction.❤️
These are inevitable when looking for a job, Alexis, so don't be discouraged, no matter how many they'll be.
Wishing you well, and hope you find the job of your dreams soon enough.
These sentences stood out to me:
“No one is ever wanted by many. However, the few that will ever want you are not only enough but many.”
I understand this through the “Hell Yes” or “Hell No” school of thought. Imagine if we were always accepted and never rejected. The level of acceptance would always vary, it would never be 💯 hell yes acceptance. So we would never feel full and total acceptance by anybody. Better to have a richer 10% experience than a weaker 💯 experience of total acceptance.
Interesting as ever Patrick!
Thank you, Joanna, and insightful, as always. All people cannot grant us this "Hell Yes" acceptance, and if they accidentally did, the value of acceptance would fall to near worthless. Rejection, thus, has it's purpose, as you so rightly explain here: sweetening acceptance even further.