Thank you for this reflection bro. Through growth, we can heal, leaving the past behind, and not judging ourselves when we feel like forgiveness isn't coming easily. Thanks, as always.
I've recently realized how bitter I am towards all men because of what I experienced. but my bitterness is a lasting impact of the trauma, and I don't want what happened to me to keep affecting me now when I know that most men are good people who aren't going to hurt me.
I wish you all the best, Elizabeth. This is a harder one to deal with - I still recall your post on forgiveness and why it cannot be forced. I hope you'll get to a point where this bitterness is much reduced. That you are aware of the matter means you're progressing towards healing.
What I appreciate about your writings the most are that they open a window in a new direction. I feel you and I (like everyone) most definitely see the world through different eyes, but I love trying to understand your perspective, and it’s often unique, something I haven’t heard before, that makes a lot of sense. Thanks for the light from that window.
Welcome, Mikaela. Given that what we write on here are mostly matters of perspective, we'll see things differently. This is good. All that matters is that someone takes the time to explain why they see things as they do. I'm grateful that you're here, Mikaela.
I read many, many posts per day, but only a few stand me still, unlock a new part of my brain, and change my perspective for the better. This is such a powerful message, thank you.
I have read a post on Substack after so long. And I am so glad I saved yours this Wednesday, only to come back to it today as I had a few minutes to spare. Thank you for this wonderful newsletter Patrick!
As always, I am really impressed by your wisdom and there are definitely a few takeaways from this piece that I would like to journal about when I get time.
It indeed is an extremely busy season of life. But I am hoping for the chaos to settle down with time. Wishing you well too, Patrick. Keep writing and sharing your wonderful wisdom!
Wow, a harsh but true article. Only yesterday I was chatting to a friend about her painful divorce. Reading this has given me some wise words to share with her, thanks. A worthy and timely read.
“Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping it will kill the other person.” I think you are channelling something similar to what Nelson Mandela was expressing.
I know you mentioned this isn’t about forgiveness and it’s true, somethings don’t necessarily deserve forgiveness.
However when the slings and arrows of misfortune are aimed your way, I believe a that for these minor slights in everyday life, the recognition that others are flawed like you and forgiving that can help one navigate a world full of potential grievances.
I’m certainly not trying to dismiss genuine feelings and real damage that is inflicted upon us but where we can forgiveness is as much about freeing yourself as it is about the other party.
Welcome, Jason, and thank you. You make very good points here. There is not much to be gained my harboring resentment. We should strive to forgive; it's good for us and others as well. It is okay if we get to this point. But we shouldn't force ourselves to. It is best to forgive, and there are many ways to this outcome, including that of simply moving on. Thanks for this perspective, once again.
Enjoyed reading this Patrick. I actually recently noticed me feeling a bit bitter towards some people around me on what they have been doing. For example, they didn’t invite me in one of the meetings, I felt bad. I tried communicating my feelings indirectly(it’s so funny to even think about it now). But nothing changed on how I was so feeling. Today I realised it’s ok if they didn’t invite me, what I offer will shine it through anyway and I was happy and myself and not bitter. So basically your point of the bitterness is inversely proportional to the growth and healing which needs to happen. In my case, that is trusting on myself and what I offer at all tables I sit 😊
This is very funny, Harneek, I'm getting an idea of workplace politics; the undercurrents when who doesn't invite whom where. It certainly doesn't feel good to be excluded, but your resolve is the right one: to become one who people will regret not inviting to a meeting. Always good to get your thoughts and reflections. Thank you!
I really enjoyed this. I love to see and feel the truth in it. I have grown beyond some things. It is like a paradigm shift. Often, it has taken curiosity, experimentation, and effort. But it is so different from forgiveness. It is a different kind of compassion that emerges.
"...it has taken curiosity, experimentation, and effort." I love this, Terra. It can happen, but it is an active process, not a passive one. Thanks for this observation which shows how this growth leads to the development of a different kind of a person.
Really a good one, Patrick. It really resounded for me. I love the idea of "moving on," outgrowing the past where the disaster happened, and dropping that old image, or skin, or shell--and becoming a new, more aware and mature, you. As you say so well, "You can grow and shrink the impact of the things that happened to you." Let us all aspire to that!
Indeed, Jeanine. Let's all aspire to that. You mention a number of things, all very important, but I'll single out awareness. With it, we become better at handling these things; we benefit from growth. Thanks once again!
By improving ourselves and our lives, we can outgrow situations that once caused us pain.
This perspective offers hope and encourages self-improvement as a path to healing, rather than dwelling on forgiveness or seeking revenge.
This is a thoughtful and insightful essay - Thank you for reminding us brother.
Thank you for this reflection bro. Through growth, we can heal, leaving the past behind, and not judging ourselves when we feel like forgiveness isn't coming easily. Thanks, as always.
I've recently realized how bitter I am towards all men because of what I experienced. but my bitterness is a lasting impact of the trauma, and I don't want what happened to me to keep affecting me now when I know that most men are good people who aren't going to hurt me.
I wish you all the best, Elizabeth. This is a harder one to deal with - I still recall your post on forgiveness and why it cannot be forced. I hope you'll get to a point where this bitterness is much reduced. That you are aware of the matter means you're progressing towards healing.
<3
You got this Elizabeth 🧡
Well said. The best revenge is a life well lived.
Yes, Amy. Thank you.
What I appreciate about your writings the most are that they open a window in a new direction. I feel you and I (like everyone) most definitely see the world through different eyes, but I love trying to understand your perspective, and it’s often unique, something I haven’t heard before, that makes a lot of sense. Thanks for the light from that window.
Welcome, Mikaela. Given that what we write on here are mostly matters of perspective, we'll see things differently. This is good. All that matters is that someone takes the time to explain why they see things as they do. I'm grateful that you're here, Mikaela.
I read many, many posts per day, but only a few stand me still, unlock a new part of my brain, and change my perspective for the better. This is such a powerful message, thank you.
Welcome, Adam, and thank you very much. I really appreciate this comment.
Very well said. Very interesting. Thank you for sharing this.
Welcome Ayesha, glad you enjoyed the post, and thank you very much.
I have read a post on Substack after so long. And I am so glad I saved yours this Wednesday, only to come back to it today as I had a few minutes to spare. Thank you for this wonderful newsletter Patrick!
As always, I am really impressed by your wisdom and there are definitely a few takeaways from this piece that I would like to journal about when I get time.
Thank you, Mansi. I appreciate you saying this. I hope you're getting time to rest; you do sound very busy. Wishing you well, as always.
It indeed is an extremely busy season of life. But I am hoping for the chaos to settle down with time. Wishing you well too, Patrick. Keep writing and sharing your wonderful wisdom!
Wow, a harsh but true article. Only yesterday I was chatting to a friend about her painful divorce. Reading this has given me some wise words to share with her, thanks. A worthy and timely read.
Thank you, Os. Glad that you liked it. Wishing all the best to your friend as she navigates the reality of the divorce.
I liked this: “They colonized and looted this country dry” still hurts because your nation hasn’t made great strides since independence.
Thanks, Trinh. Glad this one resonated.
“Resentment is like drinking poison and hoping it will kill the other person.” I think you are channelling something similar to what Nelson Mandela was expressing.
I know you mentioned this isn’t about forgiveness and it’s true, somethings don’t necessarily deserve forgiveness.
However when the slings and arrows of misfortune are aimed your way, I believe a that for these minor slights in everyday life, the recognition that others are flawed like you and forgiving that can help one navigate a world full of potential grievances.
I’m certainly not trying to dismiss genuine feelings and real damage that is inflicted upon us but where we can forgiveness is as much about freeing yourself as it is about the other party.
A good read thank you!
Welcome, Jason, and thank you. You make very good points here. There is not much to be gained my harboring resentment. We should strive to forgive; it's good for us and others as well. It is okay if we get to this point. But we shouldn't force ourselves to. It is best to forgive, and there are many ways to this outcome, including that of simply moving on. Thanks for this perspective, once again.
This was so powerful! Loved the read!
Thank you Jasmin, glad you loved it. Thanks for your work, too - you write well thought-out, relatable, realist, and powerful stuff.
Thank you Patrick, that means a lot🥹 Keep on shining☘️
'...outgrowing a situation where someone has enough power to wrong or harm you.'
Yeah, exactly. We don't actually forgive what happened, rather we move on and don't let such things continue to affect us.
Good points, Patrick.
Totally agree ... we simply move on. Thanks for this observation, Raveen.
Enjoyed reading this Patrick. I actually recently noticed me feeling a bit bitter towards some people around me on what they have been doing. For example, they didn’t invite me in one of the meetings, I felt bad. I tried communicating my feelings indirectly(it’s so funny to even think about it now). But nothing changed on how I was so feeling. Today I realised it’s ok if they didn’t invite me, what I offer will shine it through anyway and I was happy and myself and not bitter. So basically your point of the bitterness is inversely proportional to the growth and healing which needs to happen. In my case, that is trusting on myself and what I offer at all tables I sit 😊
This is very funny, Harneek, I'm getting an idea of workplace politics; the undercurrents when who doesn't invite whom where. It certainly doesn't feel good to be excluded, but your resolve is the right one: to become one who people will regret not inviting to a meeting. Always good to get your thoughts and reflections. Thank you!
I really enjoyed this. I love to see and feel the truth in it. I have grown beyond some things. It is like a paradigm shift. Often, it has taken curiosity, experimentation, and effort. But it is so different from forgiveness. It is a different kind of compassion that emerges.
"...it has taken curiosity, experimentation, and effort." I love this, Terra. It can happen, but it is an active process, not a passive one. Thanks for this observation which shows how this growth leads to the development of a different kind of a person.
Exactly!
Really a good one, Patrick. It really resounded for me. I love the idea of "moving on," outgrowing the past where the disaster happened, and dropping that old image, or skin, or shell--and becoming a new, more aware and mature, you. As you say so well, "You can grow and shrink the impact of the things that happened to you." Let us all aspire to that!
Indeed, Jeanine. Let's all aspire to that. You mention a number of things, all very important, but I'll single out awareness. With it, we become better at handling these things; we benefit from growth. Thanks once again!
Yes, awareness.
Gosh! I really love reading your work. Thanks for dissecting those topic the way you have done.
Welcome, Odinakachi, and thank you too.