Love this! I usually remind myself of death whenever I am upset about something. I ask myself if I were to die in 24 hours would any of what I am upset about matter? The answer is always NO.
Thank you, Bansi! This is an interesting and effective way of assessing things. Very few things will ever rise to this level. I like the clarity that this approach brings.
You pose the central question. A two parter, I think.
Am I happy doing what it is I am doing now?
If I died tomorrow will I have regret for dying without having accomplished that thing I’d hoped to do?
The perspective - that there is an end date to our lives, certainly lends incentive to achieve a goal, however humble or exalted (both of which could mean owning your own ice cream truck), but it also inhibits the joy found in the everyday, from smiling at a stranger on the street who made way for you to pass, or seeing someone you love for a few moments.
Likely because I was raised with the fact of death by two parents each of whom were left orphans young, that you revere the lost but step forward to live without thoughts of imminent death because it will be there, or it won’t. Little control over that day of re reckoning.
Important thoughts here, Patris, thank you. It is the understanding of death that makes us appreciate it's implications while at the same time not remaining obsessed with it to the point of not appreciating the beauty of every day living. Thank you for this reflection that highlights how life is given meaning by its fragility and precariousness.
“…the joy found in the everyday, from smiling at a stranger on the street who made way for you to pass, or seeing someone you love for a few moments.”
Gorgeous.
No matter what the entirety of my life may mean, it is within your thoughts here that are striking; these are the cherished moments which ride my shoulder with every step of every day.
Perhaps the best piece of wisdom you have written to date:
“When we imagine the ending and work backward, we’ll obtain clarity, we’ll know what we really think and feel about people and things. We’ll know what effort is needed where, and we will know what things we would hate to sign out not having done.”
Patrick, I think about death every hour of late, but I am not afraid of it. I’ve cleared some high hurdles in music in my lifetime; I also feel, as you do, with the publishing of your remarkable book, which everyone should own (in my opinion,) I have left behind a body of work of which I can be satisfied.
But your idea of starting with death, and working your way backwards is utter brilliance. It can be applied and almost every situation and relationship. As with many insights within your book, perhaps one of my only regrets is that I wish I could’ve read it as a younger man.
If death is to snatch me, I am honored to have become your friend, and to have discovered your wisdom. Know that.
Thank you, Sea. It's always good to read your reflections on these things. They bring a lot of understanding and wisdom.
It takes a lot of courage and understanding to think of the end and not be afraid. That is why I value the work we do - I, an author and you, a musician - because these will outlive us. They are legacy.
"If death is to snatch me, I am honored to have become your friend, and to have discovered your wisdom. Know that." I say the same thing, Sea. Thank you; you are a good friend. I hope you continue to get better, and I'm happy to see you managing to spend some time on here.
Thank you for the kind words, Patrick. I’m trying to spend more time on Substack, but it has to be limited, The Doc says I need to spend more time walking and exercising until a slot opens for my procedure. I’ll do my best.
Powerful observations, John. Death is and will be all these things. What we can do is be ready for it by, as you rightly point out, taking care of today and leaving what's tomorrow's for tomorrow. With this, we remain both ready and grateful. Thanks, once again.
I really enjoyed reading this because I was raised not to talk about death or even think about it. But in the end, it's going to happen to all of us, so why not talk and think about it? Avoiding discussions around it doesn't stop it from happening but thinking and talking about it can help us put things into perspective and improve the quality of our lives. This way, we can reduce the chances of regret when the time finally comes, because it will.
Thank you, Maryam. This is common in many African settings, I'd say. I, too, don't recall hearing conversations about death while growing up, which was strange given that my own parents died when I was young. This is part of the reason why the subject of death interests me greatly.
Thank you Patrick, for this beautiful reminder. I thing so many of us have been taught to fear or try to bypass our mortality rather than embracing or befriending it.
Wow! Pretty outstanding piece. There's an only thing that can limit human wrath over this planet is the reality of death. Nobody dares to stand in front of this unavoidable fact of life whether it's depression or fear of losing…nothing can.
Thanks Az-zhar! I'm glad you loved this piece. With death, submitting to reality can be the most empowering. With this approach, we don't push the boundaries of time; we live within them.
Thinking about the end, working backward—it’s a hell of a way to live. Makes everything clear, sharp, like a knife’s edge. My opinion on this is to live like a stubborn weed in a crack of concrete. Don’t apologize for taking up space. Flourish where you’re not supposed to. Drink up the rain, bask in the sun, and laugh at the odds. When it’s all said and done, at least you’ll know you lived on your terms, not anyone else’s.
I think about death too, all the more reason to live life fully, experience all colors!
Hey Patrick, this is a beautiful reflection.I never saw death from close until last year when my grandmother(mum’s mum) passed away. I was trying to do everything in my control to that she gets better but it just hit hard when she died. I felt like I lost to death, a reminder that it’s not something I can control and how the world moves past quickly when people die.
I love your approach of thinking backwards and then acting in the world. Thank you for this beautiful reminder.
Welcome, Harneek, and thanks for yours (reflection) as well. Yes, life moves on regardless of what happens and who is and isn't in it. But it's all good. Our days are counted, but while finite, they are many; they are enough.
I think one of the reasons modern culture is so psychotic is because it attempts to ignore death and aging. We idolize youth, with elders attempting to emulate the new generations, rather than younger generations looking up to and learning from those who came before. We hide the old in nursing homes because we’re “too busy” to care for them. Everything is upside down and nothing has meaning. I too was cursed / blessed to see people close to me die when I was young, and it inspired me to live in a way that others didn’t understand. Now I’m older and they’re beginning to understand but their lives are half over and I feel like if I died tomorrow, I’d die happy with all my experiences.
Very crucial observations, Suzanne. Part of the reason the young are lost - their lives totally dependent on technological gadgets - is that they cannot find elders to learn from. Anything they know, they've seen on social media.
Those who've lived much longer know things the younger don't, and hiding them in nursing homes or creating a culture where their contribution isn't regarded as worthy doesn't help.
Those who have witnessed death learn to appreciate life, but it needs not get there, and those who haven't can learn what they need to. We need not wait until it's too late. Thanks, once again, for this reflection.
Patrick thanks for your write up. I find it a genuine expression of how life needs to be looked act at in order understand oneself at a deeper and meaningful level. Without this understanding, life would be a regret…and we all have one life. Clarity is gained only when one looks at the inevitable end…death. War strategies are written keeping in mind the worst case scenarios. So why not face the inevitable in our lives and draw courage and gain clarity that is needed to bring pure joy and happiness…
"Without this understanding, life would be a regret…and we all have one life."
Thank you, Arun. This is an uncomfortable subject to many people, but I find it necessary to talk about it. Thanks for this example of war strategies - you imagine the worst, you work from there, and thus any other outcome becomes a good one, and you are grateful for it.
A wise read, Patrick. I agree that starting with death can spark a sense of urgency in our lives. However, regardless of what that urgency may mean for each of us, death is inevitable. Accepting this reality can transform our urgent actions into those that bring us joy and contentment.
A very good interpretation, Os. In this way, we get to reap the benefits of this sense of urgency while still appreciating the inevitability of death. We make peace with what we cannot avoid, and we let it serve as fuel.
This such a beautiful reflection and certainly made me reflect on my own life. I often think with a similar perspective of “if I died tomorrow would I be happy?” And I usually determine that yes, I would be okay with leaving when it’s my time because, overall, I’ve had a good life. Great piece.
Thank you, Amanda. So glad that you loved it. Thanks also for your posts and notes. I really have fun reading them - sometimes laugh at the imagery they conjure (esp the notes); very serious yet fun at the same time. Please keep them coming.
Love this! I usually remind myself of death whenever I am upset about something. I ask myself if I were to die in 24 hours would any of what I am upset about matter? The answer is always NO.
Thank you, Bansi! This is an interesting and effective way of assessing things. Very few things will ever rise to this level. I like the clarity that this approach brings.
You pose the central question. A two parter, I think.
Am I happy doing what it is I am doing now?
If I died tomorrow will I have regret for dying without having accomplished that thing I’d hoped to do?
The perspective - that there is an end date to our lives, certainly lends incentive to achieve a goal, however humble or exalted (both of which could mean owning your own ice cream truck), but it also inhibits the joy found in the everyday, from smiling at a stranger on the street who made way for you to pass, or seeing someone you love for a few moments.
Likely because I was raised with the fact of death by two parents each of whom were left orphans young, that you revere the lost but step forward to live without thoughts of imminent death because it will be there, or it won’t. Little control over that day of re reckoning.
Important thoughts here, Patris, thank you. It is the understanding of death that makes us appreciate it's implications while at the same time not remaining obsessed with it to the point of not appreciating the beauty of every day living. Thank you for this reflection that highlights how life is given meaning by its fragility and precariousness.
“…the joy found in the everyday, from smiling at a stranger on the street who made way for you to pass, or seeing someone you love for a few moments.”
Gorgeous.
No matter what the entirety of my life may mean, it is within your thoughts here that are striking; these are the cherished moments which ride my shoulder with every step of every day.
❤️
Beautiful thoughts, Patris…
Perhaps the best piece of wisdom you have written to date:
“When we imagine the ending and work backward, we’ll obtain clarity, we’ll know what we really think and feel about people and things. We’ll know what effort is needed where, and we will know what things we would hate to sign out not having done.”
Patrick, I think about death every hour of late, but I am not afraid of it. I’ve cleared some high hurdles in music in my lifetime; I also feel, as you do, with the publishing of your remarkable book, which everyone should own (in my opinion,) I have left behind a body of work of which I can be satisfied.
But your idea of starting with death, and working your way backwards is utter brilliance. It can be applied and almost every situation and relationship. As with many insights within your book, perhaps one of my only regrets is that I wish I could’ve read it as a younger man.
If death is to snatch me, I am honored to have become your friend, and to have discovered your wisdom. Know that.
Thank you, Sea. It's always good to read your reflections on these things. They bring a lot of understanding and wisdom.
It takes a lot of courage and understanding to think of the end and not be afraid. That is why I value the work we do - I, an author and you, a musician - because these will outlive us. They are legacy.
"If death is to snatch me, I am honored to have become your friend, and to have discovered your wisdom. Know that." I say the same thing, Sea. Thank you; you are a good friend. I hope you continue to get better, and I'm happy to see you managing to spend some time on here.
Wishing you well, my friend, as always.
Thank you for the kind words, Patrick. I’m trying to spend more time on Substack, but it has to be limited, The Doc says I need to spend more time walking and exercising until a slot opens for my procedure. I’ll do my best.
Clarity
I don't live with regret, it takes too much energy. I never worry about leaving things undone ~ take care of today and leave tomorrow for tomorrow.
My heart attack was 20 years ago - I died on the kitchen floor...brought back to life in the ambulance.
Here is what I learned:
Death is peaceful, death is silent, death is kind.
Death is not to be feared.
Powerful observations, John. Death is and will be all these things. What we can do is be ready for it by, as you rightly point out, taking care of today and leaving what's tomorrow's for tomorrow. With this, we remain both ready and grateful. Thanks, once again.
Thank you, great article.
I really enjoyed reading this because I was raised not to talk about death or even think about it. But in the end, it's going to happen to all of us, so why not talk and think about it? Avoiding discussions around it doesn't stop it from happening but thinking and talking about it can help us put things into perspective and improve the quality of our lives. This way, we can reduce the chances of regret when the time finally comes, because it will.
Thank you, Maryam. This is common in many African settings, I'd say. I, too, don't recall hearing conversations about death while growing up, which was strange given that my own parents died when I was young. This is part of the reason why the subject of death interests me greatly.
Thanks for these reflections.
Thank you Patrick, for this beautiful reminder. I thing so many of us have been taught to fear or try to bypass our mortality rather than embracing or befriending it.
Yes, I've noticed this too, V.M. But what we cannot avoid, we better come to terms with.
Wow! Pretty outstanding piece. There's an only thing that can limit human wrath over this planet is the reality of death. Nobody dares to stand in front of this unavoidable fact of life whether it's depression or fear of losing…nothing can.
Thanks Az-zhar! I'm glad you loved this piece. With death, submitting to reality can be the most empowering. With this approach, we don't push the boundaries of time; we live within them.
Thinking about the end, working backward—it’s a hell of a way to live. Makes everything clear, sharp, like a knife’s edge. My opinion on this is to live like a stubborn weed in a crack of concrete. Don’t apologize for taking up space. Flourish where you’re not supposed to. Drink up the rain, bask in the sun, and laugh at the odds. When it’s all said and done, at least you’ll know you lived on your terms, not anyone else’s.
I think about death too, all the more reason to live life fully, experience all colors!
Thanks Mohika! You've definitely discovered the secret to these things: stubbornness.
We must be stubborn; we must choose life every time. Many times, there will be factors telling us why we cannot enjoy it.
But we must defy them, because they are of no use to us, even if they were right.
Hey Patrick, this is a beautiful reflection.I never saw death from close until last year when my grandmother(mum’s mum) passed away. I was trying to do everything in my control to that she gets better but it just hit hard when she died. I felt like I lost to death, a reminder that it’s not something I can control and how the world moves past quickly when people die.
I love your approach of thinking backwards and then acting in the world. Thank you for this beautiful reminder.
Welcome, Harneek, and thanks for yours (reflection) as well. Yes, life moves on regardless of what happens and who is and isn't in it. But it's all good. Our days are counted, but while finite, they are many; they are enough.
Not yet available in the uk. Will let you know my thoughts once I've read it.
Is your book available in GB?
Hey, Ally. Yes, it's available on Amazon UK. Here's a link:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Practice-Living-Writings-Navigating-Realities/dp/B0BPW3HSX3/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&dib_tag=se&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.M_mbB7lc8DEtstrP5OGtUP5i71FZ7v0lMhwcIxAju465gjHGAgjLVFMZuy99fVs1mLlb3WUIk-E-5yF-aIV2Sy0xHPwcNQmuVUNJNaITDS-ovEHPTdJWPjML91qjnIn6QegybG_bmO2wRJWkZbz6PwBdjv0nJxO3RX3ZMR3BklFTv_ACB7o3PEuYC_aEG7ZI-yFZyRjD77bn7Jai4FDm8GSj9V_qL6-rdeRxfrDg8m4.Aja-NtI88BZJD0483aUWm0_RRStEVOa0HgfFor1JdP4&qid=1722520814&sr=8-3
Thank you.
Thank you, too. Please let me know how you find it.
I think one of the reasons modern culture is so psychotic is because it attempts to ignore death and aging. We idolize youth, with elders attempting to emulate the new generations, rather than younger generations looking up to and learning from those who came before. We hide the old in nursing homes because we’re “too busy” to care for them. Everything is upside down and nothing has meaning. I too was cursed / blessed to see people close to me die when I was young, and it inspired me to live in a way that others didn’t understand. Now I’m older and they’re beginning to understand but their lives are half over and I feel like if I died tomorrow, I’d die happy with all my experiences.
Very crucial observations, Suzanne. Part of the reason the young are lost - their lives totally dependent on technological gadgets - is that they cannot find elders to learn from. Anything they know, they've seen on social media.
Those who've lived much longer know things the younger don't, and hiding them in nursing homes or creating a culture where their contribution isn't regarded as worthy doesn't help.
Those who have witnessed death learn to appreciate life, but it needs not get there, and those who haven't can learn what they need to. We need not wait until it's too late. Thanks, once again, for this reflection.
Patrick thanks for your write up. I find it a genuine expression of how life needs to be looked act at in order understand oneself at a deeper and meaningful level. Without this understanding, life would be a regret…and we all have one life. Clarity is gained only when one looks at the inevitable end…death. War strategies are written keeping in mind the worst case scenarios. So why not face the inevitable in our lives and draw courage and gain clarity that is needed to bring pure joy and happiness…
"Without this understanding, life would be a regret…and we all have one life."
Thank you, Arun. This is an uncomfortable subject to many people, but I find it necessary to talk about it. Thanks for this example of war strategies - you imagine the worst, you work from there, and thus any other outcome becomes a good one, and you are grateful for it.
Thank you, once again.
Excellent. And I completely agree that the questions you propose we ask ourselves about our lives if death arrived today bring me to clear answers
Thank you, Teyani!
A wise read, Patrick. I agree that starting with death can spark a sense of urgency in our lives. However, regardless of what that urgency may mean for each of us, death is inevitable. Accepting this reality can transform our urgent actions into those that bring us joy and contentment.
A very good interpretation, Os. In this way, we get to reap the benefits of this sense of urgency while still appreciating the inevitability of death. We make peace with what we cannot avoid, and we let it serve as fuel.
This such a beautiful reflection and certainly made me reflect on my own life. I often think with a similar perspective of “if I died tomorrow would I be happy?” And I usually determine that yes, I would be okay with leaving when it’s my time because, overall, I’ve had a good life. Great piece.
Thank you, Amanda. So glad that you loved it. Thanks also for your posts and notes. I really have fun reading them - sometimes laugh at the imagery they conjure (esp the notes); very serious yet fun at the same time. Please keep them coming.
Thank you so much! I appreciate the love, will definitely keep it going. You do the same :)