You do not know what people will ever amount to; you simply cannot know for sure. In being with people, you simply choose them; you take a risk on them, and you continue to do so as long as you have chosen to.
Mothers love their children, they just do. Their love is not conditional; it is not based on them being anything. What they will end up being is largely irrelevant. Most other people cannot love you this way, you are simply not theirs as you are to your mother.
While we cannot always love like mothers do, we can nevertheless learn from their approach.
Some are mistaken; they think they can predict what someone can become. The truth is that this is impossible; it is so because outcomes are a function of far too many variables. While we can have an informed guess, we cannot be sure, certainly not about the time when something will happen.
Do not exhaust yourself predicting what people will be at a certain time in the future. They may grow to become rich and famous; they may nurture the curiosity that makes them knowledgeable and wise. They may also never become these things.
Yes, they work hard and are smart; they are consistent and resilient. But sometimes it is luck that makes these relevant, and you cannot predict when it will happen.
The key is thus to just let people be. Look at their character, their overall trajectory, and how they conduct themselves. If you are okay with these, then go big on them if you choose to. If not, leave them alone.
Far too many of us look at just one or two aspects of a person’s life and proceed to make predictions on what they can become. We proceed to seek friendship, association, and engagement with them based on these. We even suddenly manufacture love on the basis of these limited aspects. Later, we cry when we are disappointed; we become sad when things don’t turn out as we expected.
To choose is to risk, and there is a limit to how much risks can be minimized. You can project from the present, but the truth is that the future remains unknown. If the person before you is good enough for whatever you want, then choose them.
Don’t focus too much on the specifics. This is not employment, and you are not hiring people for a skill. In life, generally, you want things like kindness, loyalty, understanding, and compassion. Life is about virtues and values, skills are for technical considerations like work.
People who choose friends and spouses like they choose employees will find that they have made a terrible mistake. Work is specific, and thus all you need is someone who can perform a task. Life requires a lot; it is not one thing. A friend and a spouse will have to play many roles to come across as effective. The most important thing is that they care about you, that they care enough to want to help you with your issues and problems.
You want to be surrounded by people who care, and for people to care about you, you must first care about them. Subordinates are not friends, and sycophants certainly aren’t.
It may surprise, but relationships, be they romantic or platonic, are simply associations between people who connect at a deeper level. The cause of this connection may not even be apparent, and it is this mystery that can deepen it much more. With close people, you say, “Overall, this person is good to be with.” This is all that matters.
When betting on people, don’t seek certainty. When looking for a business associate or someone to partner with in marriage, absolutism will be your undoing. Have thresholds, and if one meets these, then take the plunge. There is no scenario where you are ever absolutely sure what one will become. That is why history is full of many accidental outcomes.
It takes long for people to amount to anything. Some, like family, you are stuck with. You just have to give them consideration. Others, however, you choose to. Whether you are choosing whom to love or to be friends with, just select a person worth the risk at a broader and holistic level, and be patient with them.
It is obviously risky. They may amount to nothing; they may even betray you after all you do for them. But life is like business, and going halfway doesn’t benefit anyone. Go big on them, or don’t engage them at all.
Mothers’ love for their children cannot be replicated, but it can be a source of crucial lessons. The most obvious one is that you should just choose your people and support them for as long as it takes. Choose them at the broader level, and you will find that this makes any day-to-day decisions that you make in the course of supporting, accommodating, and being with them much easier.
Your line about striving to love like mother's do reminds me of something my friend Isabel said -- we all need to mother and be mothered and that has nothing to do with actually having kids.
"When looking for a business associate or someone to partner with in marriage, absolutism will be your undoing"
Instead of judging people, we should accept them for who they are and support them patiently. This helps build stronger, more meaningful connections in our daily lives, some healthy boundaries are good. I liked the comparison to a mother's unconditional love. Thank you, bro.