Intent and Understanding
To understand people and things requires having the interest to do so. Sometimes merely knowing is understanding; at times only relating (to something or someone’s circumstances) can amount to understanding.
You will never be understood by people who don’t have the incentive to know you; doing the work and showing the patience needed for true understanding is of no use to them unless they want to know you.
It is not about the things that must be understood: it is about the thing or person we seek to know by doing the understanding. Keep an eye on those who value you and want to navigate the labyrinth of getting to know you; make it easier for them to.
All depths come with complexity, and knowing you is no exception. Ease others’ work, and perceive when others are doing the same so that you can peel the onion that is their lives. Signal appropriately, and be a good reader of signals.
Doing and Learning
Few are wise enough to interpret things as they happen. We must thus cultivate the habit of continuously doing. With that, we have a past to reflect on and a trail to learn from. Many theorize, and thus learn only what can come from doing so, which is little. They project, and they predictably get things wrong, not because they are inherently poor at knowing, but because they have limited themselves to only one way of knowing.
The man or woman busy doing has many ways of knowing over time. Time will lapse for all of us, but doers will be better off as it does so. They need not be the smartest; they have a wealth of experience to draw from.
The Context of Time
Everything is given meaning by time. We meet good people, but we aren’t ready for a relationship or marriage. That we’ve met them means little or nothing. And then we suddenly run out of time and settle down because it’s time to do so, not because we have met one who makes it worth doing so.
Difficult tasks suddenly become doable when a deadline looms. We postpone, we procrastinate, and we put off. We convince ourselves that it cannot be done. Then we have to do it, and it suddenly becomes doable.
Don’t blame yourself for not acting before it was time, but have the ability to know when it is time. All delays are costly, but those that involve delaying something whose time has come are particularly so.
Some are excellent; they can anticipate time. A sizeable number do okay in that they can at least act when incentivized by time. But some do neither for they cannot read time. Even luck has its limits, for it needs the enhancement of the confluence of factors that right timing brings.
When Sharing
Share (thoughts, feelings, problems, etc.), but with extreme caution. Most of the time, people are not really interested in what you have to say. They would rather talk about themselves. They encourage you to share because it’s the right thing to say.
Sharing on problems that people cannot help you with is pointless, unless you want to feel the relief that comes from doing so. People generally don’t like hearing problems they cannot help you with. You make them feel guilty: you have opened up, they now know a deep secret, yet they cannot help you with what you want. How bad of them to know such a delicate matter for free?
You will ruin friendships by saying things people don’t want to hear … problems they cannot help you with. In doing so, you are also reminding them how powerless they are, and people generally resent events that show them their inability to influence things.
In the past, secrets were generally kept, being told only to those who should know them. In today’s age of sharing, they are told more often. Share, but with extreme caution. This is a matter of judgment, but overdoing is always worse than not doing it at all.
Money and Happiness
Happiness is a game of balancing expectations with reality, and money has diminishing returns after buying what can be bought. This, however, is largely irrelevant for most people, many of us reading this included. We should seek money, accounting for all it can buy.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t have enough money to ridicule its necessity and importance. I have theorized about what it cannot buy, and until I get there, I do want a lot of what it can buy.
It takes discernment to seek things while appreciating their limitations. All things have their limits, but most people will never reach the threshold of limits, and thus these remain largely theoretical.
Entropy and Equilibrium
The things you’re worried about today won’t end so that you have a good and stable life. You are one person in an environment with many other people and things. Life is lived at an individual level, but it is organized at a societal and collective one.
The disagreements in your family won’t end so you don’t have to worry about them; organizations will not suddenly become these lovely places that we want to spend our time in. The chaos in the political arena—the acidic debates and polarization—aren’t going anywhere anytime soon.
Life loves you, but not enough to lower the temperatures for you. Life has always been chaotic, some just took too long to realize it, perhaps because they could. People who would pay for ignoring reality embraced this view a long time ago. They enjoy enviable calmness despite it.
Make no mistake: we must work to guide things to more effective equilibriums. However, before that, don’t whine. Whatever chaos you must function in, dazzle with fitting maneuvers.
Patrick, your reflections on the interplay of doing, time, and personal growth offer profound insights into navigating life's complexities. You weave together the philosophical and the practical in a way that truly resonates. It’s intriguing how you connect time with action and perception. What led you to this understanding? Your thoughts inspire a deeper contemplation of how we engage with our own experiences and those of others.
Patrick, your statement "You are one person in an environment with many other people and things. Life is lived at an individual level, but it is organized at a societal and collective one." resonated deeply with me. I‘m currently finishing an article on a similar topic (feeling out of control in life as a result of it). As always, you provide so many deep insights, your articles are always a fantastic read! 👏👏👏