Against Lukewarm Experiences

If it is not hot, it’s cold

Photo by Raimond Klavins on Unsplash

Some experiences tend to be neither hot nor cold. They are not bad enough to be abandoned, but they are also not good enough to be enjoyed. This is exactly the problem.

If you are poor, you work hard to change your situation. It is simply so bad that the only way is forward. But you are actually not anxious (like, say, someone there in the middle); your situation is bad and there is no debating whether it needs to change.

Some relationships are lifeless, and those in them know it. But they aren’t that bad, so people don’t leave them. Some jobs take a lot from you, but they are still bearable, so you stay. Some government policies are costly, but they are a necessary evil, the public judges. The masses thus predictably justify the at times indefensible costs of keeping them.

While young, we were happy and loved intense experiences. But adulthood is like a game of moderation where we keep conceding, as long as things remain sufferable. With time, and especially due to the nature of reality, we come to see that average is good; we yearn only for the lukewarm.

Tired of being let down, we don’t ask for much from those we will ever engage with. We have inwardly given up on love; we only ask for a relationship that isn’t dysfunctional. We are no longer maximizing happiness, only minimizing pain.